Keith Goodrum

And I Thought Windows Vista Had Issues…  


INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

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Written by Keith Goodrum

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35 Responses to 'And I Thought Windows Vista Had Issues…'

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  1. Although I’ve seen this one before several times in recent years, I still enjoy reading it and get a laugh out of it every time. And from a female perspective, how true!!
    Shazan

    Sharyn

    5:00 am

  2. Shazan,

    I figured it had probably been around for awhile. My wife sent it to me last week, and I got a kick out of it. I thought it would be fun to put up for a Sunday post. Glad you enjoyed it.

    The line: “First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.” cracks me up every time I read it.

    Keith

    Keith Goodrum

    7:42 am

  3. Brilliant. Maybe you could try erasing the whole Husband 1.0 operatng system and try HusbandOSX?

    Alfred Saforo

    3:40 pm

  4. What wasn’t mentioned but should be noted is that, in the process of converting to Wife2.0 from Girlfriend (Beta), Desperate’s backup drive swelled to three times its previous size. In addition, her docking station, formerly configured to connect on the fly, became inexplicably locked-up and would only connect periodically, while her sound card malfunctioned, resulting in an almost constant whine from her speaker.

    xavier

    3:45 pm

  5. FUNNY, LOVED IT LOADS XXXXX

    ree

    4:24 pm

  6. I love your post. Did you put the links in or was it sent to you that way?

    @xavier-LMAO

    CyberCelt

    5:53 pm

  7. Xavier, I LOL’d.

    Brilliant.

    Bill Vincent

    7:14 pm

  8. Here is a link to the true ORIGINAL. Girlfriend 6.0 vs Wife 1.0
    http://www.math.unipd.it/~favero/varie/ragazzauk.html

    Although this boyfriend 5.0 vs. husband 1.0 was good, it wasn’t great

    Clifford

    8:10 pm

  9. Xavier, you rock.

    Erin

    8:23 pm

  10. @Alfred – While HusbandOSX might be a better operating system… Husband 1.0 is the most popular system. It’s the standard in most every business & homes. :)

    @Xavier – Too funny!

    @CyberCelt – I inserted the links myself. When I 1st read it I pictured the Homer Simpson snoring on the couch with the beer on his belly for Snoring Loudly Beta. The rest just went from there.

    Keith Goodrum

    8:38 pm

  11. [...] surfing session the other night, I stumbled across a great relationship-related-humor article at http://www.keithgoodrum.com.  Although I hope you will all view this with a sense of humor and get a good chuckle out of it, [...]

    Advice.LoveDetour.com - A little something lighthearted…

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  12. [...] StumbleUpon has sent 15,000+ visitors to the blog post from Sunday. Here’s the link to the post – And I Thought Windows Vista Had Issues

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    10:36 pm

  13. Yep, it’s been around for ages (years and years) but I still like reading it. Thanks for digging it out again, great little joke.

    Interesting to see the viral aspect of Stumble and the traffic it’s brought you.

    Hope you can harness it!

    Cheers,
    Adam
    30dayman.com

    30 Day Man

    2:20 am

  14. This is very original. I got a kick out of it.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Jonathan -
    http://illuminatedmind.net

    Jonathan Mead

    9:07 am

  15. Brilliant Keith. I picked up your post over at 30DC and decided to give you a visit – it was worth it :-)

    Ade

    Ade Martin

    12:09 pm

  16. You need to put a ” Email this letter” button at the end of the post. I wanted to send it to my wife and couldn’t find the button..

    Lorfel

    2:32 am

  17. Excellent! I have found that installing Poolboy 1.7 over the top of Husband 1.0 solved most of the issues. Or at least I no longer noticed the problems happening in the background.

    juniper

    3:28 am

  18. @juniper – Poolboy 1.7 over Husband 1.0… I’ll make sure my wife doesn’t see this. :)

    Keith Goodrum

    2:10 pm

  19. That was pretty dang funny!!

    danandmarsh

    10:03 pm

  20. Though the stuff was old, the hyperlink stuff added zing to it :)
    The terms & the versions are truly ageless and would appeal to anyone, married and alive ….lol

    Cheers!
    ~fe*~

    flyingelephant

    4:13 am

  21. hahahahahahahahaha, tis hilarious.

    harry

    6:14 am

  22. hahaha .. funny n intelligent. Hey wat if all the applications like tears5.0 etc. are incompatible with husband1.0 OS? or maybe husband 1.0 is under the effect of the infamous virus OtherWoman2.0 !!!!

    Obaid

    12:37 am

  23. I’ll be upgrading to wife 1.0 shortly myself.
    I’ll be a husband 1.0 myself to her, no husbandOSX here.
    Too metro.

    The OSX version thinks it knows what the wife wants, but has a very limited set of abilities or possibilities in the wifeneeds package.
    The package may be svelte and rather “metro”, but it definitely does not have the options available in the much more flexible.

    matthew

    2:32 pm

  24. Matthew,

    ROLF… husbandOSX is too metro – You speaketh the truth.

    Keith Goodrum

    2:43 pm

  25. Just stumbled onto this site and I had the best laugh in the longest while. Fortunately I run none of these listed software. Currently I run a virtualization program called single 1.0v which allows me to swap in software and other os on the fly…for instance lapdance 2.1, bingedrinking 1.0 and takeofftohawaiiwithoutsayingaword 9.0. If I experience any problems while running these software I merely open the drive and remove the software. The feature that is unique to single 1.0v that neither boyfriend 1.0v or husband 2.0v has is the unique plug-and-play capabilities. You merely insert the output jack into any avaliable outlet and you’re set to go.

    Kedelm

    4:43 pm

  26. umm I have read the female version before … the male version is equally interesting .. i loved reading it. tnx keith.

    Aparajita

    11:20 pm

  27. Here’s an idea, maybe look for a guy who isn’t running an operating system that just looks good (ie. Windows) but instead go for the guy who is real and has very good “core” values at his “source” (ie. Linux).

    Ash

    5:40 am

  28. this post cracked me up. great representation of relationships in technology terms. way to go. thanks for sharing. :)

    angel

    9:06 am

  29. Fun. Thanks.

    Braintrove.com

    4:14 pm

  30. ur grumpy link is is REALY long lol

    guest

    8:47 pm

  31. This is great. I loved it all. I have posted a link to you on my blog. The topic of my blog is “How to keep my wife happy” and having the right software is sooo important! lol

    I just think humor is such a good way to approach any subject.

    I found you through Stumble! Awesome.

    Laurie M

    1:43 pm

  32. I thought the post is about Windows Vista when I found it through Google. Nice post, really make my day.. LOL

    Badxp

    12:04 am

  33. picked up your post over at 30DC and decided to give you a visit – it was worth it :D

    böcek ilaçlama

    5:48 pm

  34. [...] recorded first by autodidactic on 2009-02-18→ Juraj Briskar: This one post got 15 000 visitors from StumbleUpon,… [...]

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  35. [...] Need a laugh? This post uses computer terminology to talk about boyfriends and husbands. Well, I thought it was funny. Click here. [...]

    Ducktoes Computer Repair and Spyware Blog » Post Topic » Funny Post about the Program Boyfriend 5.0

    10:07 am

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